Respect the Cock...

At the tender age of seven, I became fixated on the penis. I don't know why. I did everything in my power to manipulate the neighborhood boys into showing me their dicks and playing doctor. I remember that we had a jungle gym in our backyard at that time. My brother and i put blankets over it and made it into a makeshift fort. There I would bring boys to hang out - literally. We would take turns pulling down our pants and swinging from the trapeeze-style bar that hung in the center of the jungle gym. I got a thrill from the exhibitionist abandon of showing off my pre-pubescent body. I've often wondered how, at that age, my curiosity was coupled with a sexual longing for these boys that I ogled and touched, our bodies far from the hormonal ravages of puberty, yet still able to get an erection. I was so entirely gay from that early age, yet i had no idea what it was to be "gay." For me, it was as natural as picking up worms after a rainfall and putting them in a bucket to bring home to show my mom. Or, going hunting for salamanders under old logs down in the gulley by the stream. It was part of my boyhood, not some "evil" or "depraved" thing that society would later introduce to me as "unnatural." Left alone to develop in a bubble, or on an island cum Lord of the Flies, I think my attraction to men would have developed free of any psychological torture or shame that the Catholic Church - of which I was an unconsenting member - or the Government would foist on me. Free of societal constraints I could see myself blissfully ignorant that the natural lust and love I felt at that early age was something other than the intention of God that some of us be "different."